Have you ever caught yourself waiting for your spouse to make the first move, to start the conversation, plan the date, or fix the tension that’s been hanging in the air?

If you have, you’re not alone.
This episode of the Faith-Fueled Mompreneur Podcast hits especially close to home for me because it’s something I’m walking through in real time.

When we get stuck in the “roommate cycle,” both partners are waiting on the other to go first. But someone has to take the lead.
And what if that someone is you?

Because here’s the truth:
God multiplies the intentional moments you create for your marriage, but someone has to create them.

When Resentment Creeps In

It’s easy to fall into resentment when you feel like you’re the only one who notices what needs to be done or who carries the heavier load.

Maybe you’ve thought:
“Why am I always the one trying?”
“Why do I care more than he does?”

The enemy loves to keep us stuck here, resentful, frustrated, and waiting for our spouse to take action.

But often, our husbands aren’t being careless; they’re just overwhelmed. Sometimes they freeze because they don’t know where to start or what we need most.

I’ve been there too. My husband once told me he hesitated to help because he was afraid he’d do the “wrong thing” and I’d be upset. And honestly? He wasn’t wrong, I’ve reacted that way before.

That’s when I realized something had to change.
Instead of waiting for him to read my mind, I needed to clearly ask for help and invite him to participate.

Because roommates wait in resentment. Connected partners go first with grace.

What “Going First” Looks Like

Going first doesn’t mean doing everything or carrying the full load.
It means being intentional, creating connection, and leading with love

Here are a few ways you can start:

1. Spiritually: Invite Him In

If prayer or faith conversations feel awkward or inconsistent, invite your husband to pray with you, even if it’s short and simple.

In our home, I asked my husband if we could start praying together before bed. At first, it felt clumsy, but we’ve kept at it. Some nights we’re tired and our prayers are short, but that small act of unity has brought us closer.

You can also send him a quick text or a verse during the day to let him know you’re praying for him. These little touches go a long way.

2. Physically: Reach Out First

Sometimes connection starts with something as simple as a touch.
A hand on his shoulder as you walk by. A hug from behind. A kiss on the cheek.

Physical touch is one of the fastest ways to disarm tension and rebuild connection, even without words.

3. Emotionally: Start the Conversation

If you’ve fallen into the habit of sitting on the couch together but never really talking, mix things up. Suggest a “no-TV night.” Put your phones away. Ask meaningful questions.

It doesn’t have to be deep or dramatic,just start the conversation.

You could say something like, “Hey, I miss us. Can we have one night a week that’s just for talking or going to bed early together?”

Small steps like these create big shifts over time.

4. Practically: Ask Clearly for Help

Instead of hinting or saying, “Why don’t you ever help?”, be specific.
Try, “Can you handle bedtime tonight so I can finish this project?” or “Could you pick up groceries tomorrow? I’ll send you the list.”

When we invite our husbands into specific action, we make it easier for them to step up and support us.

And if resentment starts bubbling up again, remember, that’s not from God. He calls us to honor one another, not keep score.

The Mindset Shift: From Waiting to Leading

Proverbs 31:11 says,

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.”

Going first doesn’t make you weak. It makes you mature.
It shows spiritual strength and creates space for connection.

When you go first with grace, you enrich your husband’s life, and your marriage.

This isn’t about control or perfection; it’s about modeling the kind of relationship you want. When you create small, intentional moments, God multiplies them into lasting change.

A Heart Check

So let me ask you, friend,
Where are you waiting for your husband to go first?
And what would it look like if you took the lead instead?

Maybe it’s sending that encouraging text.
Maybe it’s apologizing first.
Maybe it’s planning that date or turning off the TV for one night.

Someone has to go first, and God can use your obedience to spark something new in your marriage.

Let’s Talk About It Together

If this episode spoke to your heart, I’d love for you to join me at our next Faith-Fueled Fireside — a free monthly virtual gathering for Christian mompreneurs to slow down, reconnect with God, and have real, honest conversations about faith, family, and marriage.

Faith-Fueled Fireside
Thursday, November 20 at 10 AM (Arizona time)
Join us at thepurposegathering.com/fireside

Bring this question with you:
“Where am I waiting for my husband to go first, and what would it look like if I went first instead?”

Because the small, intentional moments you create can change everything.

Final Words From My Heart

Marriage was never meant to be a competition or a checklist.
It was designed to make us holy, to draw us closer to God and each other.

So this week, choose one small act of connection.
Go first with grace.
And trust that as you do, God will multiply your effort and restore your connection.

With love and grace,

Related Podcast Episodes: 

1. Ep 224. Marriage in the Margins: Why You Feel Like Roommates (Part 1)
2. Ep 43. Healthy Boundaries for a Stronger Marriage
3. Ep 19. How to Recognize the Conflict Cycle in Your Marriage with Tony Ziolko

Resources:

1. Learn more about the Collective Mastermind – A Christ-centered space for ambitious mompreneurs who are ready to align their life and business with the Lord.
2. Join the Faith-Fueled Fireside on November 20th at 10AM (AZ Time) – This virtual gathering is an opportunity to connect with like minded mamas who are ready to trade hustle for peace this season.
3. Join the Free Purpose Gathering Community – A welcoming space for Christian mompreneurs to connect, grow, and be encouraged in both life and business.
4. Have a question for me? Or a specific struggle you’re dealing with? I’ll address your question on the podcast. Submit your ‘Ask Ashley’ question here.
5. Please connect with me on Instagram @thepurposegathering.