Have you ever looked at your spouse and realized you’re living more like roommates than partners?
You’re managing the household, coordinating schedules, dividing tasks… but the connection? The intimacy? The unity you once had?
It’s been buried under the weight of busyness.
You’re not alone, mama.
This week on the Faith-Fueled Mompreneur Podcast, I’m sharing highlights from our November Faith-Fueled Fireside, and the conversation that unfolded was one every married mom needs to hear.
Because marriage doesn’t thrive in the margins. It thrives when we intentionally prioritize it.
Where Do You Fall on the Connection Scale?
During our November Fireside, we started with one simple question:
“On a scale from 1 to 6, where do you feel in your marriage right now?”
- 1 = Straight-up roommates, hardly ever see each other
- 6 = Sold-out connected partners
The responses were honest and eye-opening. Some mamas rated themselves at a 4 or 5, and they still showed up because they realized that marriage takes intentional effort, it doesn’t just happen by chance.
And that’s the truth: Connection doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through small, consistent, intentional moments that God multiplies.
The Three Patterns That Keep Us Stuck in the Roommate Cycle
In Part 1 of the Marriage in the Margins series, we talked about three patterns that keep us stuck:
1. Keeping Score
Whose day was harder? Whose load is heavier? When we constantly compare who’s doing more, we create division instead of partnership.
One mama shared: “I was keeping score and struggling with it. But listening to that podcast, I realized—why am I comparing who does more? This is stupid. I can’t do some of the things he does, and he can’t do some of the things I do, and that’s okay.”
She went to her husband and said, “I want a do-over,” and owned her part. That conversation brought them closer together.
The truth? Partnership looks different. Just like in business, we have different roles. And all those roles work together to create a thriving marriage. Instead of making a long list of what our husbands aren’t doing, let’s focus on what they ARE doing.
2. Comparing Your Spouse to Others
Maybe we don’t say it out loud, but we’re thinking it. And that’s where Satan can creep in and cause disconnection. We have to be careful to protect our minds.
3. Operating a Well-Oiled Machine
You have everything taken care of, the household runs smoothly, but there’s no connection. You’re efficient, but disconnected.
One mama said: “Just focusing on gratitude and not what he isn’t doing, but what he IS doing, if you look for it, you start finding it. Leaning on gratitude is making me have more space and more margin inside myself to go, ‘Okay, what else can I do to draw us together from my side?'”
When we focus on the good, the good gets better.
Going First Doesn’t Mean You’re Weak
In Part 2 of the series, we talked about being the one who goes first, the one who initiates connection, the one who says, “This is what I think would be helpful. What do you think?”
Often, we become resentful when we’re the only one going first or the only one who notices what needs to change.
But here’s the truth: Going first isn’t showing weakness. It’s showing maturity. It’s showing a willingness to obey and follow God even when it feels hard.
For many of us, pride gets in the way and stops us from wanting to be the one to go first.
One mama shared her struggle with wanting her husband to be the spiritual leader of their family, but he just wasn’t in that space yet. She felt resentful, constantly comparing him to her friends’ husbands.
Then her husband sent her a reel that changed her perspective: “God has gifted us in different, unique ways.”
Her husband’s gift wasn’t being the ideator, but if she gave him the idea, he could take it and run with it. God had gifted her in that way, to lead in that area, so they could share their gifts together.
God brought you and your spouse together for a reason, so you could share your gifts.
The Power of Praying Together
Multiple mamas shared how powerful it’s been to start praying together, even when it felt awkward at first.
One mama said: “I asked my husband to pray with me, and even though he feels weird and awkward about it, I just keep doing it. And I know God’s working through him.”
Another shared: “For many years, my husband would not pray out loud, even for meals with our own family. But I kept modeling vulnerability and what prayer looks like. Now he does pray, and his prayers are shifting to be more vulnerable because he’s hearing me model that.”
You’re not waiting for perfect prayers. You’re creating space for genuine connection with God, and with each other.
Even if your husband isn’t praying out loud, you’re modeling vulnerability. You’re showing him that God doesn’t care about eloquent prayers, He cares about genuine hearts.
Five Rhythms That Keep You Connected
In Part 3 of the series, we talked about rhythms that create connection.
Here are the five we discussed:
- Daily Talk Time – 10 minutes a day focused on talking about your day
- Weekly Budget Meeting – Going over finances together
- Weekly Calendar Meeting – Getting on the same page with your schedule
- Regular Date Nights – Prioritizing intentional time together
- Daily Prayer Together – Inviting God into your marriage every day
One mama shared a rhythm that’s been transformative for her and her husband:
“Six or seven weeks ago, we started doing a report card every week on different areas of our life, not just business, but our connection, our energy, our sleep, our kids. We sit down and ask, ‘What happened this week? What were the wins? What were the celebrations? What was hard?’ So many things would’ve been forgotten because we’re just so hurried onto the next week. It’s been a way to slow down and notice God’s work all over our life.”
It’s a way to slow down and celebrate, instead of just rushing to the next thing.
Small Moments Matter Too
Beyond the five rhythms, we also talked about small moments:
- Physical touch when you walk by (instead of looking down at your phone)
- Sending intentional text messages throughout the day
- Being less efficient to be together (like running errands together instead of dividing and conquering)
These small moments add up. They create connection in the margins.
The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage
One mama said something that quieted the room:
“A pastor once told me there are not just three people in your marriage. There are four. Satan is in your marriage too. Learning that was huge. It gave us more desire to go to battle together for our marriage. When we’re both really triggered, it’s usually Satan.”
Satan wants to place a wedge between you and your spouse. He wants you pointing fingers at each other instead of recognizing the real enemy.
But when you come together, when you pray together, when you fight for your marriage together, there’s power in that unity.
A Holy Reminder
If Jesus rested and took time to pray, why is it so hard for us to do the same with our spouse?
Marriage doesn’t thrive in the margins. It thrives when we intentionally prioritize it.
Let’s Keep This Conversation Going
If this message spoke to your heart, I’d love for you to join me for our next Faith-Fueled Fireside, a free monthly virtual gathering where we pause, reconnect with God, and have honest conversations about faith, family, and marriage.
Faith-Fueled Fireside Monday, December 16 at 10 AM (Arizona time) Save your seat → thepurposegathering.com/fireside
Come ready to reflect, share, and be refreshed, because you’re not meant to walk through motherhood, marriage, or business alone.
One Small Step
Ask yourself this week: What is one rhythm or small moment I can commit to practicing to create more connection in my marriage?
You’ll be amazed how much closer you feel when you take one intentional step toward your spouse.
Final Words From My Heart
Marriage will always try to convince you that connection can wait, that it will happen “when things slow down.”
But God never called you to wait for the perfect moment. He called you to be intentional now, in the margins, with what you already have.
So this week, take one small step to prioritize your marriage. Go first. Focus on gratitude. And trust that as you do, God will multiply your efforts.
With love and grace,
Related Podcast Episodes:
- Ep 226. Marriage in the Margins: Rhythms that Keep You Connected (Part 3)
- Ep 225. Marriage in the Margins: Be the One to Go First (Part 2)
- Ep 224. Marriage in the Margins: Why You Feel Like Roommates (Part 1)
Resources:
- Learn more about the Collective Mastermind – A Christ-centered space for ambitious mompreneurs who are ready to align their life and business with the Lord.
- Join the Faith-Fueled Fireside on November 20th at 10AM (AZ Time) – This virtual gathering is an opportunity to connect with like minded mamas who are ready to trade hustle for peace this season.
- Join the Free Purpose Gathering Community – A welcoming space for Christian mompreneurs to connect, grow, and be encouraged in both life and business.
- Have a question for me? Or a specific struggle you’re dealing with? I’ll address your question on the podcast. Submit your ‘Ask Ashley’ question here.
- Please connect with me on Instagram @thepurposegathering.
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