Does your family feel more like ships passing in the night than a unified team?

You’re all under the same roof, but everyone’s doing their own thing, and there’s no real sense of connection or togetherness?

Here’s the truth: togetherness doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through intentional routines that create predictability, shared responsibility, and genuine connection.

In Part 3 of our Redeeming Family Culture series, we’re wrapping up with the most practical episode yet, how to actually build the family culture you want through three types of routines: connection, fun, and teamwork.

Core Truth

Your family culture is either happening to you, or it’s being built by you.

In Part 1, we talked about what your kids need most: present parents, control, attention, and discipleship. In Part 2, we dove into conflict, how to identify unmet needs using the OFNR framework and recognizing the spiritual battle underneath it all.

Today, we’re talking about how you actually build that culture through intentional routines that foster togetherness.

Routines That Foster Connection

These routines keep you connected with your kids and your spouse throughout the week.

1. Good Morning Hugs – Start the day with connection instead of demands or corrections. A simple hug and “How did you sleep?” sets the tone for the entire day.
2. Eight-Second Hugs Throughout the Day – Studies suggest that eight-second hugs make a measurable difference. Try to give 3-5 of these throughout the day to each family member. Our kids (and we as adults) need more affection than we think.
3. Book Marathons – Each family member picks three books, and you read them all together on the couch or bed. My kids are 11 and 14, and they still ask for this. Don’t draw a line in the sand that says your kids are “too old” for this, keep these routines front and center because that’s what they’ll remember.
4. Nightly Reading with Chapter Books – Each parent has individual chapter books with each child. If you have more than two kids, get creative, rotate nights so everyone gets one-on-one reading time with a parent.
5. One-on-One Time with Each Kid – This proactive attention gives them what they need and builds rapport, respect, and trust. When you prioritize time with them, they know they’re valuable and important.
6. Sibling Time – Intentional time for your kids to connect with each other. We used to do 30 minutes of sibling time daily. Is it intentional? Are you calling it “sibling time” and carving out this special moment?
7. Connection with Your Spouse – Budget meetings, daily check-ins, and weekly date nights. (For more ideas, check out the Marriage in the Margins series!)

Ephesians 4:2-3 says, “Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” These connection routines are how we practice that patience and love daily. It’s making the effort to truly keep unity in our families.

Routines That Foster Family Fun

These are traditions your kids will look forward to, things that build togetherness and anticipation.

1. Date Nights with Kids (Every Other Week) – We do date nights with our kids every other Friday. If you just do it “once in a while,” you’ll forget. Schedule it and make it automatic.
2. Movie Night (Every Other Week) – On the off Fridays when we’re not doing date nights, we do movie night. Rotate who gets to choose the movie. Make it special with popcorn, candy, or homemade pizza, create your own movie theater experience at home.
3. Show Night (Weekly) – Choose a series your family enjoys and watch one episode together each week. Right now we’re watching Crime Scene Kitchen. We’ve also done MasterChef Junior and Lego Masters. We usually make burgers or sliders on the Blackstone for show night.
4. Game Night – We don’t have a specific night for this, but whenever we’re all home together and not having movie/show/date night, we pull out a game and play together. These rhythms are things our family looks forward to every single week.
5. Family Meetings (Goal) – This is something I really want to start implementing. Use this time for a Bible story or lesson, sharing compliments about each family member, and talking about what’s not working what systems need to be created or rethought. It’s a productive way to brainstorm what needs to change while prioritizing your family.

Routines That Build Teamwork

These systems help keep your home running and teach your kids that everyone contributes.

1. Divided Kitchen Responsibilities

It used to take 45 minutes to clean the kitchen because there are so many steps. Someone suggested splitting the roles, and it changed everything.

Now:

• My son unloads the dishwasher (because he’s home in the morning)
• My daughter loads the dishwasher
• My husband does hand-wash dishes
• I put away leftovers and clear the counters

We tried rotating roles monthly, but we realized it worked better for each person to “own” a role based on their schedule and strengths. Every day, my kids know they need to do their kitchen contribution before doing anything else.

If you have more kids, break it down even more: one person unloads silverware, another does the top rack, another does the bottom rack.

2. Zone Cleaning

Divide and conquer different spaces in your home. Assign zones to specific family members (or partners), or tackle one zone together.

Create a simple list (or SOP—Standard Operating Procedure) of what “clean” looks like for each zone. For young kids, take pictures to show what it should look like.

Example for bathrooms:

• One person cleans mirrors
• Another empties trash cans
• Someone cleans the toilet
• Someone cleans the shower
• Someone wipes doorknobs and light switches

When kids know what’s expected, they build an automatic response to cleaning.

3. Five-Minute Tidy

This has changed how we clean up. Instead of waiting until things are out of control, we do a five-minute tidy at the end of every meal.

Set a timer. Everyone puts their dish in the sink, looks around for anything that belongs to them, and puts it away. This is how we keep a tidy house without constantly cleaning up clutter.

The Foundation That Makes Routines Stick

Here’s what I’ve learned: you can have all the right routines, but without the right foundation, they won’t stick.

That’s what we focus on inside the Purpose Gathering Collective, my mastermind community for mom business owners who are tired of hustling and ready to experience true rest, joy, and abundance in their life and business. And that comes only from doing things God’s way, not the world’s way.

The transformation happening in the Collective is amazing:

• One mom has stopped yelling at her kids since joining
• Another rearranged her schedule to pick up her daughter from school (even though she has a full-time job AND a business)
• When a mama shared a struggle, another group told her to “numb her feelings and hope it goes away.” But in the Collective? We prayed for her. We told her to turn her eyes to Jesus and trust that He never wastes an experience.

The Collective is different. We’re creating space to walk in God’s way of doing life and business, not the worldly way. When we’re aligned with what God is calling us to do and abandon what the world says we should do, that’s when we can truly create the family culture we desire.

How It All Works Together

Connection routines + Fun routines + Teamwork routines = A thriving family culture

The connection fuels the fun. The fun encourages the teamwork. The teamwork creates space for more connection. The cycle repeats and builds on itself.

That’s what this whole series has been about:

1. Understanding what your kids need most
2. Working through conflict well
3. Implementing routines that foster togetherness

That’s how you build the culture you want.

Your Action Step

Pick ONE routine from today’s episode. Just one.

Which routine would you like to start implementing this week?

Share it with us at our Faith-Fueled Fireside on December 16th at 10:00 AM (Arizona time). We’re going to talk about what this looks like in real life, not just the fun parts, but the hard parts and struggles too. Real conversation. We want you there.

Join the Faith-Fueled Fireside

Our monthly Faith-Fueled Fireside is the perfect space to dive deeper into these concepts.

Next Fireside: December 16th at 10:00 AM Arizona time

Come ready to discuss which routine you want to implement, and connect with other Christian mompreneurs seeking to prioritize faith and family.

Final Words From My Heart

You have more power over your family culture than you think. God has specifically designed and created your family, and He wants you to steward it well.

Give your kids and your spouse what they need. Work through conflict instead of brushing it under the rug. Implement these rhythms and connection routines so you can have togetherness, teamwork, and unity.

Remember: there is a spiritual component. There is an enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy. Who wants you pointing fingers at each other and in constant turmoil. Because when you’re fighting, you can’t go out and share the good news of salvation, you’re too burnt out, busy, and exhausted.

So let’s redeem our family culture and walk in unity. The unity God has always desired for your family.

Take a moment this week and ask: Which routine would I like to start implementing this week?

Start small, go first with grace, and trust that God will multiply your efforts.

With love and grace,

Related Podcast Episodes: 

1. Ep 229. Redeeming Family Culture: Working Through Conflict (Part 2)
2. Ep 228: Redeeming Family Culture: What Your Kids Actually Need (Part 1)
3. Ep 174. Parenting Beyond the Younger Years with Nellie Harden
4. Ep 160. Enjoying Every Moment with Your Kids
5. Ep 85. Simple Ways to Connect with Your Kids

Resources:

1. Learn more about the Collective Mastermind – A Christ-centered space for ambitious mompreneurs who are ready to align their life and business with the Lord.
2. Join the Faith-Fueled Fireside on December 16th at 10AM (AZ Time) – This virtual gathering is an opportunity to connect with like minded mamas who are ready to trade hustle for peace this season.
3. Join the Free Purpose Gathering Community – A welcoming space for Christian mompreneurs to connect, grow, and be encouraged in both life and business.
4. Have a question for me? Or a specific struggle you’re dealing with? I’ll address your question on the podcast. Submit your ‘Ask Ashley’ question here.
5. Please connect with me on Instagram @thepurposegathering.