Ep 8. Overcoming the Lies We Tell Ourselves

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I'm Ashley!

My mission at The Purpose Gathering is to help driven momtogs like you level up, so you can build a sustainable business AND a fulfilling family life. I do that through authentic brand photography for mompreneurs and my signature program for mom photographers: Side Hustler to CEO.

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Since hearing the news last week of Arizona schools not going back through the end of the year, I’ve been really struggling. It’s been a really difficult adjustment. I love having my kids at home, but it’s bringing to the surface some deeper issues that I never wanted to admit that I have. In today’s episode, I want to share with you a couple of lies that I’ve been believing over this past week, and how I’m working to overcome them by replacing them with truth.

I’m really excited about chatting with you today about kind of the reality of what I’m facing. And hopefully it will give you some encouragement and some strategies for how you can overcome all of this craziness that we’re dealing with, with the Coronavirus. It’s safe to say that we all are handling things in our own way. We are all just trying to survive, but I feel like these couple of lies I’ve been believing, I feel like a lot of you mamas can resonate with this. And I think it’ll be really helpful for you to not only know that you’re not alone, but also to know that this doesn’t have to be your reality. These lies that you’re believing do not have to be your truth.

We often make blatant statements about how we are feeling as if it’s a fact of life. So, before we get started, and before I break down each of my lies, I want to let you know what they are. So, these are things that have really been on my mind these past seven days. And every single day, I’m starting to believe these lies less and less. So, lie number one is my business is dead. Lie number two, is I am a bad mom. These have been really holding me back and I want to kind of walk you guys through why I’ve been feeling this way, and what I suggest that we can do to help overcome this.

Many of you know that I’m multi passionate, I have several different businesses. In addition to The Purpose Gathering, which is this podcast and the online community for mompreneurs that I’ve created. I also own a photography and photobooth business, which primarily over the past several years have been heavily focused on weddings and events. And so, as you can imagine, both of my businesses have been hit so hard, because we are in the event industry. So, weddings have been postponed, some have been canceled. It’s just been a really difficult time for me to navigate, as I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate. So now that these two businesses are on hold pretty much, I’m not bringing in any revenue. And so that’s a big hit to our family because we rely on some of that income for our bills. And then for The Purpose Gathering is also event based. So, I’ve been having to do my meetups online, which are great, but just definitely feels different. And I have a workshop that I promoted last week, and it didn’t really go as planned.

And so, all of a sudden, I just found myself feeling extremely down and frustrated, to be honest. And all of that happened on Monday. And then I got a text from my husband letting me know that he had heard all Arizona schools, were now not going back through the end of the year. And literally it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Like I had already felt the hit and then the fact that my kids were not going back to school just made me feel like my business was dead. Like I was hopeless that I didn’t have any way of bouncing back, and what it did was it sent me into a downward spiral for about 48 hours, you guys if I’m being real. And it really made me feel hopeless and helpless, and all of these things that I know are not true. But I had to feel my feelings and I think that’s what I’m trying to tell you, is that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and it’s okay to feel sad and to grieve over anything, even if it seems little. It’s also okay to celebrate; I think it’s important actually to celebrate those small wins or victories.

I know that I have a few friends who haven’t really been impacted by this and they actually feel like they’re thriving more than ever in their business and they’re afraid to like say something about that because they know so many people are grieving and feeling bad. But I’m not saying you know, announce it, shout it from the rooftops but I am saying celebrate those wins. Like be grateful and be thankful for your thriving business. I think that’s amazing and I know that other people will want to hear great news in this time where I feel like everything seems to be bad news.

Step 1: Change our Fact of Life Statement
So, let me introduce you to my system for how to overcome these lies. Step number one, we need to change our fact of life statement to an I feel statement. So, for me, my business is dead. I’m going to change that to an I feel statement. I feel as though my business is dead. Did you hear that shift? When you take your statement that sounds like it’s a fact of life and you turn it into a feeling. Now it makes it feel like you have a choice.

Step 2: Face the Reality
Step two, face the reality why are you feeling this way? So, for me, here’s the reality. I’ve let my identity be wrapped in my business. That was huge for me like I always knew I loved my business. And I always knew that I tend to lean on that workaholic side. But I never realized how much worth was wrapped up into my business and how making income for my family was something that I felt like I needed to feel like I mattered. I realized that my business is not dead, I’m just going to have to be creative and lean into other areas of my business. Although I might not be able to go out and take pictures and do photobooth events, I can lean into following up with some of my past clients and seeing if they need any prints for their house. I have a ton of past clients who have never placed pre orders before. so that’s something I can really lean into.

I also have an online workshop called Thriving with Purpose. And I know that this workshop can help mamas right now in this time of uncertainty. I know that it could help you find peace and passion in your motherhood and your business and to know that in all areas of your life, you can be equipped with the tools to juggle all the things. So, if you would like more details, I would love for you to visit thepurpose gathering.com/thrive and check out the roadmap to your most purposeful life. I have to be honest with you guys, I have been struggling to find that peace and passion. Because you know, the second lie that I mentioned was that I’m feeling like a bad mom. So, I’m actually working through this workshop right now myself, personally; I’m going back through all the modules it’s incredible. There are five different speakers, I’m one of them, but there are four others. And so, I’m going back and I’m listening. I’m even listening to my own modules, because you know what, sometimes it’s really easy for us to give people advice, but sometimes it’s hard to take it.

So, I’m going back through and I’m just reflecting on all the different areas of my life that I can be more purposeful in. And so, I’m absolutely loving the breath of fresh air and loving the strategies that I’m remembering. And it’s just, its very life changing for me to be able to look back on these presentations and revisit them whenever I feel like I need more support in that area.

Step 3: Find the Blessing
Okay, so let’s jump right back into that system that I was talking about. So, to recap, step one was to change your fact of life statement to an I feel statement, so it doesn’t feel so heavy and it actually feels like you have a choice to move forward. Step two, we’re going to face the reality of why we’re feeling this way. Step three is to find the blessing inside of it. So, for me, my lie, my business is dead. My blessing is this is a wake up call for me to start leaning into what really matters, to start actually putting into practice my words that say that my family is more important than my business. Because now I feel forced, I feel forced into this decision. I feel like it wasn’t my own, but it’s also that wake-up call, like, okay, you said your family was more important than your business now prove it. So that’s kind of where I’m at right now is that this is a blessing. I’ve been given a second chance to really lean into my family right now. And to let them know how important they are.

Step 4: Replace Your Feeling with a Truth
Step number four, it’s going to be replace your feeling with a truth about what you can do. This is huge for me. I don’t want to focus on any more of what I can’t do, because that’s debilitating. that’s frustrating. That’s not helpful. I sat there for 48 hours and I was just like, Oh, I can’t do this. I can’t do that. What am I going to do? I can’t do this. No one’s buying anything, no one’s hiring photographers. And I just kept going down the path of negativity, and that’s so not like me. So, I have to stop, and I have to remind myself of what the truth is. So, here’s the truth, my business is going to look different, but it’s not dead. My business might have to pivot, but I have options.

And so, when I changed my truth to know that this is just a feeling, it’s not a fact of life, and I can replace what I’m focusing on, everything started to change. I started to really understand that there are so many other things out there for me, and maybe this is my opportunity to try those things. So, I encourage you guys, if this is where you’re at, and you’re feeling like your business is dead, and you’re feeling like you can’t move forward, just know, it’s up to you. You have to focus on the truth that yes, it might look different, but there are so many options, explore those, maybe that means you’re going to start something completely new and go down and idea of a different business venture. Maybe that means that you’re going to start offering digital products or you’re going to start doing some online teaching.

What does that look like for you? Connect with some of your closest friends and ask them for ideas. Sometimes that’s all we need is to have a conversation with someone else who’s not so invested in our own life. It’s so easy for us to be down on ourselves because we’re living our life. But if we have someone with an outside perspective that loves us, that can pour into us and say, Hey, I know how you’re feeling. But what about this? Have you tried this? I think you would be great doing this.

And if you need some support and some love, reach out to me, shoot me an email shoot me a DM, I would love to connect with you. And if you’re not part of our online community yet, definitely check it out. You can join at thepurposegathering.com/ mamas, that’s M-A-M-A-S and you can join our Facebook group. You can connect and plug in to a group and a community of mamas who are just like you. We’re all business owners struggling between raising a family and growing our business. We would love to come alongside you and provide any support that you need.

Okay, so now I want to talk to you about this second lie that I’ve been believing, which is, I am a bad mom. Okay, so of course, I know this is not true. Looking back at this, with fresh eyes, and obviously a different perspective, I don’t even know why I thought that was true. I think we just get so overwhelmed, and we get so frustrated that we can convince ourselves that these lies are true. But I have to be honest, that I wasn’t really giving my best to my kids. And I could tell that their behavior was changing because I was stuck in this scarcity mindset that I’ve talked about in previous episodes, where when we’re in that mindset, we’re not thinking about other people. We’re mostly thinking about ourselves and our survival.

And so, I wasn’t giving my kids the attention that I normally do. I was snapping at them more often than I normally do, because I wasn’t taking care of my mental state of being. I wasn’t reflecting, I wasn’t being grateful, I wasn’t understanding that I was in control of my thoughts. And so, I was just feeling so frustrated, my kids were fighting more often than they normally do. I wasn’t doing school like I pictured that I should. I just felt like I was being completely unfair to myself, I wasn’t giving myself grace or patience, like I talked about all the time. And it was a really rough couple of days. So, if you guys are there right now living that reality that you’re not a good mom, I want to send you a virtual hug. Like, I wish that we were having this conversation in real life like face to face. Because I want you to know that you’re not alone. I want you to know that you don’t have to do all the Pinterest perfect activities with your kids right now. They’ll be okay for a few months without school. What they really need from us right now is our love and our attention and our connection and our attention. Did I already say that? They need lots of our attention. They are going through a lot right now too. And I think we have to understand that and recognize that not only have our lives been flipped upside down, so have theirs. And it’s really our perspective and our attitude that is going to make our Break what kind of experience this is for them.

It is my hope that our kids look back on this time that we have to be quarantined at home. And they will remember some of their best memories. Our kids do not need perfect mothers, they need present mothers. So, when we’re breaking down these lies that we tell ourselves, I need to switch my perspective and my focus from I am a bad mom to I feel like a bad mom. The reality is I wasn’t giving them the attention that they deserve. And I found myself wanting to work more than play with my kids because I felt desperate, I felt frustrated. I felt like my business was dead. Remember that those feelings I was talking about?

So, I was focused on my business and what I could do right then and there to shift instead of focusing on my kids and giving them the attention that I know that they need right now. But the blessing that I found in all of this is that my kids are seeing what hard work looks like as a work at home mom. My kids are understanding that I can shift and pivot and change, because I own my own business, because I’m an entrepreneur. So, these lessons that I’m showing my kids, even though they’re not getting my attention all the time, I’m still able to show them what hard work and dedication looks like.
So, the last step of this system is going to be to replace my feelings with a truth about what I can do. So, my truth is that I’m going to set aside some time every day to focus on really intentional attention for my children. I’m going to do more than I normally do because I know they need more connection and attention than ever. So, I’m going to make that a priority. But I’m not going to stop working, I’m not going to completely put my business on hold. I’m still going to work hard, because I know that my community of mamas, they need support right now more than ever. I know that these mamas in my community, they need connection, also they need friendship. They need someone that understands what they’re going through and so I’m not going to stop showing up.

I hope that this conversation today has been helpful for you. I want you to understand that you have choices and you have options. And these lies that we tell ourselves, they can hold us back and I don’t want them holding you back anymore. So, I want you to change your fact of life statement to an I feel statement. Then I want you to face the reality and understand why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Step three, find the blessing in step four, replace that feeling with a truth about what you can do. I want you to know that I am always Here rooting for you, and you are not alone on this journey.

Thank you for listening to another episode of the purpose gathering podcast. As we enter our time together, remember that you were created for more. You were created to thrive with purpose and not just survive. So, go out there and live your life with confidence and courage. To become a part of our amazing online community and connect with like-minded mompreneurs head to thepurposegathering.com/mamas that’s M-A-M-A-S. to join our private Facebook group. If you enjoyed today’s episode, I would love for you to take a screenshot and share it on Instagram. Be sure to follow and tag me at The Purpose Gathering.

If you haven’t had a chance to leave a review, please head to iTunes, even if you’re an Android user, and let other mompreneurs know why you love the show. Each review is so valuable to me and helps more Mama’s like you find this show. I choose one review every episode to share, and yours could be the next one. I’m so proud of you for listening and investing in your future. Together, let’s link arms and make a lasting positive impact on our families and communities. You’ve got this girl and I can’t wait until next time.

Mom guilt is real, and the unnecessary amount of pressure we put on ourselves is ridiculous!! 

Check this out, if you're ready to overcome the lies we tell ourselves!! 

Us work at home mams gotta stick together!! 


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My mission is to help fellow momtogs (mama photographers!) experience success in business and in motherhood. As an Arizona brand photographer for mompreneurs, I’m passionate about capturing authentic images that show off my clients’ unique personalities so they can connect with their ideal clients. And as an online business coach for momtogs, I LIVE for helping mamas experience incredible transformations that help them build a business they love, without sacrificing their precious time with their littles.

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